Paul Gilbert told me last week (reading it might be nice after all that your mother and I have done for you) that he wished rock musicians shared the tendency of their classical counterparts to like perform the classics. Hearing that, I began to imagine trying out for first guitar chair in the Los Angeles Metal Orchestra, but seriously, Gilbert presents a thrilling idea. Those clenched-cheeks violinist types don't write shit, don't create shit, can disguise crummy playing amid up to a half-dozen clones, and generally get tongue-bathed for their precious skill of mimicry. Meanwhile, cover bands are derisively spat upon, usually by bearded guys in unsuccessful ahem "original" bands, even though a good cover band is instant party and dour baldcore makes me want to punch babies. The shittiest "Electric Slide"-playing wedding band kicks the shit out of Pouty McBeardslacks & The Over-Its any day. But anyway, I guess in classical music(s), the music is king; in pop, performance and spectacle share a spine with composition. Too bad.

Gilbert later mentioned that Dream Theater drummer Mike Portnoy is the brains behind the tribute events in which Gilbert and others have rocked a setload of The Beatles, Led Zeppelin, or Rush. Sounds fun and hmm as it happens, the most recent words I exchanged with Portnoy were on the topic of San Francisco greats Jellyfish, and Gilbert's new record with Freddie Nelson is very Jellyfishy (above), and lastly any living being that's ever heard Jellyfish would give their eyes for loud, live Jellyfish, so count this as my unsubtle plea to the two handsome, stylish, virtuosos to put me on lead vocals for a Jellyfish tribute event on the fucking moon for all I care. The mic was just removed from James LaBrie's asscrack? No problem! I'll smash this chick like blammo! Call me, Mike!

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