My innernit went down last night and I can't help but think it had something to do with a Thursday HooM! comment, easily the most repellent, silly, and random comment in HooM! history. By severing my eithernet connection, the forces of nature perhaps tried to protect me from the lewd, vulgar suggestions made regarding the lovely Gabriela, this just as I began to despair of the lack of comments. And now, after the scarring imagery and irrelevant ethnic potshots, my wishes for greater HooM! interaction seem foolhardy. Be careful what you wish for.
Anyway, those pornless hours last night allowed me to revisit a pre-web lifestyle. Thus I repaired to the parlour where I thumbed a novel over tea. Actually wait no I conked out on my bed, fully clothed; awakening to restored internet connection, I found yet more blather from Dave Mustaine, who has ramped up his lip-flapping in honor of another procedural, self-aggrandizing non-album (streams here "Dialectic Chaos" gimme a break). Mustaine addresses recent comments from both Tom Araya (above) and Kerry King, which he, in a state of fearful denial, has forgiven them for:
I am aware that there is stuff out there that has been said about me; some of it is old, some of it is new. I am disappointed in the new comments, but I am going to remain professional and give Kerry and Tom and Slayer the benefit of the doubt and hope that it is just old stuff, and be the best tourmate that I can be. Either way, I pray for the guys in Slayer, although they may not want it, but I do. I pray that we'll be friends again someday, I pray that the tour will be as much fun for them as it is for us, and I pray that they will be as happy as we are and more.
Wow. How big of Mustaine to forgive Araya and King for correctly identifying him as a bag of cock. It inspired me to forgive the gross pervert who so crassly reduced my soft-focus, wine-and-roses fantasy of prolonged love-making with Gabriela to some dimly-lit border porn. Now apologize to Gabriela, fucker. Apologiiiiize.
3 comments:
I apologize unreservedly. The imputation was totally without basis in fact, and was in no way fair comment, and was motivated purely by malice. I deeply regret any distress my comments
may have caused you or your family. And I hereby undertake not to repeat any such slander at any time in the future. P.S. wasn't me.
Your benevolence has humbled me. If an anonymous shit slinging hillbilly such as myself can be forgiven by the saintly Anso then I shall repent my evil ways. I had no idea you were the quintessential romantic who's only fault is loving too openly. I'm sure Gabriela will grow into the perfect life partner. Having masturbated to countless Hispanic women let me give you some pointers. They only date assholes. When you pick her up, lay on the car horn and yell, "Hurry the fuck up!" instead of getting out and ringing the doorbell. Physically beat her as often as possible. She won't call the cops. At the HooM potluck supper make sure to loudly tell everyone within earshot that her enchiladas were too dry while she stands right next to you. Pawn her guitar for a bag of dirtweed and don't share any with her. Then out of the blue show her your sensitive side and help out la familia by packing her vagina with heroin for visiting day at the pen. Uncle Chavo will give his blessing for you to be wed. Odds are that she's Catholic so you'll soon have 5 kids. You'll need to beat them often as well. At this point the lovely Gabriela will be clocking in at 210 pounds and in dire need of electrolysis. Love is a many splendored thing. Now go to her. Go.
um zing?
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