I must have lost a bet or something because I went to the theater to see Sweeney Todd, the film adaptation of Stephen Sondheim's musical. It was pure garbage but while ignoring it, I had an hour free to ponder the paradox of rank movie musicals. Movies are awesome, music is awesome, so why are movie musicals about as appealing as a kick to the 'nads? 

Least of all poised to solve this age-old mystery is Cradle of Filth, whose pointless, marathon-length albums generate the same distaste and antipathy as films with murderous barbers warbling while artfully opening blood geysers from enemies' throats. My first COF record was Midian; the lead track "Cthulu Dawn" ripped my head off, but welcome to Snoresville from there on out. A friend says the same about COF's Sony debut, Damnation and A Day, but fuck if I care. 

We all agree that it's hard to completely turn away from bands with screaming and blood and shit, no matter how cheesy, so a seeming eternity of Sunday was spent charitably taking in Godspeed On The Devil's Thunder (out tomorrow). Yet another concept album about somebody evil or something, GOTDT is the nail in COF's coffin, with their flat, bubbly distortion, totally random collections of edgeless riffs, and the many voices of Dani Filth (above). It is so borrrrring! Dani needs to get out of music if telling scary stories is going to take precedent over musical cohesion and momentum. We already have one W.A.S.P.

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