Psst. You. Hey. No not you, you in the blue shirt. Hey. What's up. Cool look, I don't wanna come off all creepy and shit. Let's just establish that from the outset: not trying to be creepy. Not a creeper. Never been one. My cousin Brad's a creeper and I can't say I'm a big fan. But it follows, since my Uncle Gary, a total creep, married a degenerate sidler. I can only imagine that when they had sex, it was very ... sideways. And out shot Brad and his sideburns.
Ok anyhoo, mind if I ask you a question? You look like you know how to have a good time, so I'll just ask ya no beating around the bush. Or obfuscation. I'm just gonna come out and ask. Do you party? ... 'Cause I can read people, dude. You're cool. It's written all over you in foot-high letters: I capital L Love to capital P Party. How can I tell? Look, it's not brain surgery, dog. But I can see we agree on the partying thing so let's move on. Ok, friend ... what's your name, dude? Right. Cheers. What I wanted to tell ya is that I, too, love to party. That's why I like to unwind with friends and really, just, party, ya know? The usual stuff. Just get crazy, get laid, and get beat up with some good friends, and ha sometimes on Friday nights, we do uh well we do a little Testament nothinwrongwiththatright?
Whoa. Ok. Don't be shocked. Look, have you ever tried Testament? That's what I thought. But I know you'd like it. If you tried it. Dude. Think about it; didn't I see you at Mike's and you were all messed up on Metallica? I knew it! I knew you looked familiar. You were hilarious. Don't remember much? Not surprised at all. Yeah I know you were insane. Now, imagine that feeling without the hassle, the depression, and the dent in your wallet! Badda-bing! That's what doing Testament is like. Plus there hasn't been good Metallica around in a while.
Hmm. Let me wager a guess here; you are a regular Slayer user. I'd bet my life on it. Shit you look like you took a couple rips of Slayer right before you got here. Ha ha. Busted. I told you, I can read people. So. Hey. I'm not gonna pressure you. Look at it this way: Nobody else thought to invite you to our little secret club, so I am. I'm like your sponsor. I vouch for you. Yeah. Well look at that. Ha! I've ha got some Testament on me, as it happens. Nah. Don't worry. I'm cool with them here. I'm in here all the time. See that bouncer? He gets Testament from me all the time. Flotsam & Jetsam, too. What's Flotsam & Jetsam? Shit, I guess you're not ready for that shit yet. Nothing to be embarrassed about. Here. Just come here a bit and let me ha find it ah here it is. Ready?
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