There is no shortage of humiliating gaffes in my life, but my ultimate duh moment came at the hands of this smart-ass sticker. That morning, I'd bolted out of w***, darted across the foot bridge, took three, four, five steps at a time, finishing with a triumphant nine-stair slide down the brick ledge. I stuck the landing* and got into the record store before they'd even opened the second floor. Days earlier, one of the dudes there had showed me a palmful of Kory Clarke's Opium Hotel CDs, noting that until the release date no I couldn't buy one. I hadn't even heard about it. But now I was sneaking the fuck out of w*** to go get one. 

Arriving back, I unveiled my find to a friend and immediately struggled to explain its significance. Warrior Soul, drugs, intensity, not a hair band, serious shit, politics, punching. At that point, I hadn't been entirely certain Clarke hadn't dropped dead of a fatal overdose or tire ironing. But check it out! His debut solo album! The cover art was awesome. But what is this sticker? It's a explicit lyrics warning -- yay! Clarke is a black-belt swearer --  but part of it had been cut off. It read "Parental Advisory -- This Recording Contains Art" but huh that didn't look right. They'd fucked it up and forgotten the second half of the sentence, the "Which May Be Offensive" part. But my friend pointed out that no no no Clarke had obviously done that on purpose. Get it? He's making a statement. In my excitement (and eagerness to school dudes on Warrior Soul), I'd missed it. Aha. Good one, right? Ha. Crickets.

Ok I'm a ditz but still -- that's just lame and dramatic in a way that sets a shrill tone to an as-yet unheard album like the bitching had spilled over from the CD onto the cover art. But who cares, since that sticker is the only bad thing about Opium Hotel. Muuuuuuch unlike the dubious Chinese Democracy, the forthcoming "album" by "Warrior Soul". At a muscular eight tracks, it's Clarke's first release of new material under the WS moniker since 1995. I'm not calling for a reunion of the real Warrior Soul line-up (RIP Mark Evans). Go ahead and use other guys, Kory -- we don't give a shit. It's just that ... just look at the guys you got. Nice guys, I'm sure, but they simply are not rocking. They probably can rock in good conditions, but they do not rock like Warrior Soul music must be rocked. So get good guys, Kory you spaz! And the title, Chinese Democracy? What the fuck are you talking about? What's your fucking point? Is this thing on???

*It's kinda like skiing. You plant your feet flat and sit on your heels. Then slide and dismount. Hint: Develop balance by learning to shit on a Japanese toilet.


Joe Pezz said...

Got to see Warrior Soul in Clifton, NJ last week. I think it is the 4th time I've seen them. Damn, did they ever put on a kickin' show?! They really blew me away. Their best performance of the night was "The Losers."

Picked up a copy of 'Chinese Democracy,' too!

Anso said...

Damn really?

Anonymous said...

Hey fag...

Move out of your mom's bedroom.

Why do you exist?

Tom of Sexton