Look, I'm not mad at Iron Maiden bassist Steve Harris for foisting his talentless daughter onto the Metal world. Harris is the male Sharon Osbourne, and while Osbourne didn't invent nepotism, she undoubtedly gets the blame for its entrenchment in Metal. But anyway, there are two ways of looking at this. Either (a), Harris is doing some empire-building and plans to retire from Maiden (around 2035), get some tailored suits, host a reality show, and manage his daughter's surely-flourishing music career. Or (b), 'Arry is acting at Lauren's behest, lending a hand to his would-be musician progeny as any parent would. 

Either way, it's tough to care about Lauren. When her boobs aren't hanging out (above), she's bleating atop flavorless alt-metal with an eye on Amy Lee's job. What follows is ripped straight from chapter one of Things That Bitter Losers Say, but motherfuck people whose parents land them jobs. How many of your favorite bands don't get enough hype while Lauren Harris has a starter career in hand? How many young rock journalists are swept aside to make room for the detestable daughter of the LA Times' former theater critic? How many middle-aged publicists get shafted on salary so it's possible to create an unneeded and grossly overcompensated position for the son of some honky-ass morning radio host? Do we need more Nelsons, Osbournes, Cages, Harrisesess, and Perrys? Stop the madness! 

Famous Kids Out Of Metal! 

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